These days you are nobody to anybody if not equipped with a matched set of opinions in complementary colours … I have spent considerable energy during most of my life acquiring and demonstrating superior opinions: opinions that were stain-resistant, colour-fast, self-cleaning, self-tapping, self-aware, odour-free, gluten-free, BPA-free, freewheeling, freestanding, freakishly prescient, sustainably harvested, evidence-based, independent, transcendent, resplendent, perfect-bound, biodynamic, and shocking in their original simplicity. While this has been a pleasant past-time, and more socially useful than watching cat videos or joining the Liberal Party, it has not been the runaway success I might justifiably have expected.

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