You grew two feet taller on a diet of sausage rolls and granny smith apples. Suddenly the girls were looking up to you. You began to think that there was some hope. You were a clown, with long frizzy ginger hair, Orbison specs and a pink and yellow zit on the tip of your nose.

This post continues A to F. You might like to start with part 1.1 if you haven’t read it before. Otherwise, click here for all of part 1.3.